Publication of this blog--PsychDisABILITIES--will be resumed on September 4, 2018

In Loving Memory

Eliot Sanders, the 17-year-old ginger domestic short-hair tabby cat, passed away of natural causes on Wednesday, June 13, 2018.

The vet had given him a thorough examination on March 6, 2018 (in a home visit, he did no imaging such as X-rays,) and had found nothing amiss.

The vet was on his way on June 13^th to make a home visit to administer euthanasia, due to pneumonia (it seemed from Eliot's symptoms and the vet did not gainsay) that had begun six days before and that was quite severe from four days before. I could certainly see that Eliot had acute pain in his abdomen those four days, because he would no longer let me pet him there. Once in those four days before his terminal agony, I heard him moan, such a piteous sound.

In his last 24 hours, except for the five hours when I had to sleep, Eliot heard my voice continuously. And his last fifteen minutes before he became unconscious were spent on an excursion to the hallway where he gave me eight “I love you” winks, and thereafter were eased by aromatherapy—his sniffing his favorite meal, [baby food, due to his condition] turkey with gravy.

When the vet came on June 13^th, approximately two hours after Eliot had lost consciousness, and found in picking him up that Eliot had “just [now—read: then]” succumbed, he examined Eliot without having to worry about pressing so hard as to give pain. He found a large mass in Eliot’s liver, a smaller mass in his spleen, and small masses disseminated throughout his abdomen. Clearly, Eliot had passed away from metastasized liver cancer.

The vet assured me that neither of us was to blame for not seeing what was wrong. Felines have evolved to hide their illnesses assiduously, so as not to be vulnerable to predators. Furthermore, nothing could have been done to cure and I had done what there was to do to give palliative care.

I adored Eliot so. I was concerned often, since I knew how elderly he was, that he wouldn’t be here someday, and now that someday has come. He will never leave my heart, no more than Heart my Miniature Poodle and Service Dog ever has. I believe that both of them are scampering in Heaven and that someday we will be reunited, as they say, “over the Rainbow Bridge.”

New Life

(As you probably know, I use a wheelchair. Since I live without a human roommate, and since the elevator doesn’t work or is “on hold” 5% of the time, and since the street is blocked episodically by construction (over the course of a five-year project in which we are in the third year,) and since Paratransit van transportation is quite difficult, I calculate that I am in my apartment 97% of the time. I have (human) visitors perhaps once/twice a week, and I see neighbors in the hallway daily.

(But that doesn’t cover me anything like 24/7/365. Fortunately, I am a great lover of critters. I can and intend to have a companion animal always with me.)

On July 2, 2018, a friend and I are going by Paratransit to “the county pound” to adopt a kitten. If male, he’ll be Henry (David Thoreau.) If female, she’ll be Emily (Dickinson.) G-d willing, he or she may live the normal kitty lifespan of fifteen to twenty years.

I’m very busy now. I am kitten-proofing my studio apartment (a complicated endeavor.) I also have to cook and bake for the freezer sufficiently to be able to avoid having to remove supervision from the kitten during his or her first month with me. (One cannot rescue a squirming kitten from a crevice with one’s hands full of kneaded bread dough!)

Summer Vacation

PsychDisABILITIES and Thrift with Flair will resume publication immediately after Labor Day (the first new posts will be made on September 4, 2018.) Essentially, I am taking a “kitten-guardian leave,” similar to a maternity leave.

You Are Never Too Old to Keep on Living!

n     with Peter L Forster, MD

Sometimes people feel that it is time to end it all because they have become too old without having achieved a dream, or because they are no longer attractive. It seems to me that these feelings may have been behind Ms Kate Spade’s recent death.

Everyone faces disappointments. And as we age we have to deal with more of them.

But we also learn new skills, and develop the capacity to cope with disappointments more effectively, if we use those skills.

Perhaps you are dealing with the loss of a relationship, and thinking that you will never find someone to spend the rest of your life with. You are too old for that to happen.

A wonderful woman who has struggled with bipolar for years, and has dealt with a string of relationships that turned out badly, was just married, at age 60.

Or perhaps you have had to deal with friends who have turned away from you.

Depression can drain the energy out of friendships. Just when you need the support. Perhaps you feel too old for good friendships.

Another woman felt that all of her friends were dying or turning from her during her two year struggle with depression. Eventually, we found a combination of medications that brought her back from depression, and, as she emerged from that state, her friendships revived themselves. She now finds herself surrounded by people who care for her. This is the tragedy of depression, but also the magic of recovery.

Your life’s purpose may be achieved “around the corner,” in the next decade or several decades of your life.

You are likely to recover from the worst of your mental health symptoms, eventually. “Patience for patients” is what I preach. You could be surprised at how productive you will become once your lifetime of “percolating” your ideas yields its fruit. Fallow periods tend to be followed by very productive ones.  Exhibit One is my own experience: two books written from scratch within thirty months, following a fallow period due to bipolar of some three decades.

Maybe you feel you are too old because of the changes in how you look. You can no longer hide the changes. After years of appearing surprisingly youthful your grey hair, sagging skin, or wrinkles, and so forth, may seem to signal the end of the line. News Flash: Beauty is of character, not of the flesh.

Elders, over the course of their lives, have learned so much more than they knew when they graduated from college, or earned their last degree. It is from this store of hard-won wisdom that you will be able to create your life’s work, no matter how long it has been since you last were gainfully employed.

What you need to do to get from here to there is to Hold On! Give your treatment plan a good chance to kick in. Cooperate with your psychiatrist in tweaking the plan—scientific advances are rapid today.

Remember that you will never lose your bank of experiences so long as you live. Think about all of the lessons you have learned, all that you could teach others, if they would listen. Right now, if you are depressed, this may seem like a foolish dream, but if you live you will emerge from the depression.

Think also of how your death would affect others. Recently, Ms Spade left a note for her daughter, who is newly adolescent, telling her that her Mom’s passing was not her daughter’s fault, and that the daughter should talk with her father about this.  When told “not to think about an elephant” everyone immediately is flooded with images of pachyderms. What that daughter will be going through for years to come! Be compassionate to those you love, even if you can find no other reason to restrain your hand.

“Patience for patients.” It is a goal you can achieve no matter your current state. You only need to put one minute of waiting, of acceptance, on the table and follow it with another.

© Deborahmichelle Sanders 2018. All rights reserved.

Empathy for Your Past and Future Self

Empathy refers to “feeling with” another person. “Feeling with” for who you were—who you can become again, but better (due to your intervening experiences and learning.)

But the person you were (before your mental health symptoms became bothersome) and the person you will be (once you mature into recovery,) these are both “another person” in comparison to the you who is before your mind right now. Empathy for our past and future self is not self-pity.

It would be self-pity to decide that, because you cannot achieve today what you planned to achieve yesterday, before your mental health symptoms began, that you never will be able to actualize yourself, to be all that you can be.

“Patience for patients” is what I so often advise. You will mature out of the worst of your symptoms. You will have another chance to use your special gifts.

Our skin protects the organs of our bodies from direct interaction with the world around us. Our human skin grows as we grow. Like a snake shedding its skin, sloughing or molding It off in one piece, human beings rid themselves of old skin—but in us, it is gradual, yet it is always happening. We lose 30,000-40,000 skin cells hourly! Dust mites eat the cells, and we notice the total debris as dust that we need to clean out of our houses.

In the same way that your skin renews itself, your brain will as well.

Just give time its chance to heal.

© Deborahmichelle Sanders 2018. All rights reserved.