The Habit of Gratitude Brings Relative Freedom from Anxiety

Would you like to be calm—even serene—more of the time? Over the course of a month or so, you can come to develop the habit of thinking over how G-d has provided you with everything you actually need. (Think of the fruition of Nature if you do not—yet—believe that the Good L-rd cares for you.) 

I am not at all promising that you will never be worried. Just that you’ll find that it does not pervade your thoughts when you have a problem.

Obtain a notebook that you can dedicate to this purpose, or at least a section of one. The traditional instructions are to write daily five happenings or five facts about your life which make you happy. However, on subsequent days, you are not to repeat prior items.

I think that these instructions are too restrictive. First, upon some days you might have a different number than five items to note—sometimes, one happening overwhelms all. And on some days, such as if you visited an Arboretum, you might want to note separately a number of the gorgeous plants that you enjoyed—a zoo, the animals—and so forth. Then again, there may be days when it is too difficult to extract from the tangle of your unhappiness more than the datum that you still are alive and breathing!

Furthermore, why ever not state the same glory on two or more days? Each sunrise, each sunset, is unique. The antics and development of your child are never really the same.

One benefit of this Gratitude Journal is that when you are down, you can read it to see how much G-d or Nature gives to you daily. There is nothing that you really need that you do not have. Wants, yes, but not needs.

More to the point of this essay, by daily habit, you are activating new pathways in your brain and even your genetic alphabet, the DNA, that will in time cause you to become more and more even-tempered, after a while calm, and eventually serene.

Prayer as Replacement for the Meditation that Psychotherapists Urge

Important in all currently-heralded forms of cognitive psychotherapy is an emphasis on “mindfulness,” exhortations to meditate. If you are a dedicated practitioner of Judaism or Christianity, this might pose a problem for you if you are a psychotherapy patient or client. I know that “it drove me crazy” over a period of more than a decade, when I could not persuade my psychiatrist that I spent/spend at least as long daily at prayer than he was encouraging me to meditate. He wanted 15-20 minutes, whereas with all the blessings and the prayer service, I was sure that I focused on G-d’s majesty and sovereignty at least as long as he desired me to focus on my own ego via my breath. 

Of course, both of these monotheistic religions have traditions of meditation, but they are G-d focused, not centered on the self.

I suggest that you keep a time log for a few days and jot down in it all the blessings and prayers that you say, as to their duration. Show this to your mental health clinician the next time that this problem arises. It may “seal the deal” to persuade him or her that you are experienced at focusing and becoming calm, which after all are the outcomes therapy seeks in pressuring you to concentrate on secular, or worse for the religious in a Western tradition, Eastern phraseology or on your breath.

If you get nowhere with that stratagem, urge that a verse from Psalms be the focus of your meditation.

How to "Crash" A Party--Enjoying Yourself at a Gathering

The first step needs to take place long before you go to the place where you have been invited. Undertake to establish an introduction for yourself that emphasizes your hobbies, your education, and any occupational licenses that you have. Practice the introduction in front of a mirror or with the feedback of a member of your family. Make the introduction so familiar to you that you can say it in a number of different ways, so that it will sound natural and unrehearsed.

Now, you are there at the party, function, or get-together. The cardinal rule is: Divide and conquer. You cannot make friends with a group. One at a time will be your motto. 

With each person you talk with, ask questions to draw him or her out. Everyone is most interested in his or her own life, and will feel engaged to have you care—or at least, seem to care. Indeed, by seeming to care, you will likely find that indeed you become interested in the person with whom you are speaking.

Ask such questions as—

How do you know our host?

How did you spend your weekend? Or, what are your plans for the weekend to come?

Avoid talking or asking questions about politics. Unless everyone at the gathering is of the same religion and the same level of observance of it, avoid talking or asking questions about religion as well.

When your conversation partner asks about you, stick to your prepared introduction and be circumspect beyond that. Do not start to speak about your psychiatric disability. (If this gathering is after all focused on disability issues, of course your symptoms and history are open to be spoken about—but it is still best to focus on the other person, not yourself.)

Fancy, you Aced that party, function, or get-together! You did not need to “crash” it at all!

As You Have Been Given So Much, Give Back!

You have received

• From the A-mighty, “who has sustained you through this day,” to quote Jewish prayer;
• From family—who have stood by you throughout your illness and your recovery to date;
• From friends and neighbors;
• From teachers and the educational opportunities they gave to you;
• From jobs that you have held, even part-time gigs like baby sitting or lawn mowing; and,
• From your country.

Give back!

Anybody can give a friendly smile and a greeting to each person met in the course of a day. It is a good way to give back when you are feeling unable to cope with undertaking volunteer work or just bringing a meal or snack to a neighbor in need, visiting someone who you know is sick, or other charity that involves more time, patience, and “feeling 100%” yourself. 

The Jewish tradition is that you should give to members of your family first, and then in concentric circles those further outside your home.