Lonely, Impaired Young People Are at a Disadvantage Throughout Their Careers

The extracurricular activities that people who become disabled with a psychiatric disability that is severe had engaged in during high school and college may tend to be less social than those of their peers. Thus, they may have fewer friends at that time, and will in later life have fewer old friends.

If such a person is an exception to the above generalization, because (s)he became severely disabled in his or her thirties instead of twenties, he or she would have amassed time to blossom. But even an outgoing soul like this may find that former friends fall away upon diagnosis and relapses. Other people don’t know how to strike up a conversation, or more to the point keep it going, with a person who is severely impaired. It’s a turn-off to see suffering up close. (This sentence is true of all tragic life events, from a death in the family to a criminal conviction, but there is less social acceptance for a mental illness than for other vagaries of life.)

The few “replacement” friends one is able to make tend to be in the disability community, either that generally or specific to psychiatric issues. If a truly “normal” person befriends one, G-d has smiled. (I have enjoyed the friendship of Ruan Frenette, met through mental health advocacy, for two decades. She is really stable and free of any psychiatric symptoms. Almost all my other “replacement” friends have been closet depressives—or remain at arm’s length from me. Of course, as a person with both physical and psychiatric disabilities, I am rather a “downer,” sunny smile notwithstanding!)

In the last decade, diagnosis of psychiatric disabilities has undergone a quantum shift, with adolescents and even children found to meet diagnostic categorization, far more than in previous generations. Youngsters and young people receive labels today that tell them that they are at best, “special,” and at worst, “crippled.” Who would not withdraw? And thus make fewer friends than their age-mates.

There will be no one to seek them out in later days to reminisce about shared sports, clubs, and competitions. They (like their peers) may engage mega-minutes with their screens, but they (unlike their peers) make fewer friends from shared life activities in those years of formation.

Skills of getting along with others are fundamental in employment of almost any sort. The situation of having had few good friends to practice with does not bode well for career success.