Find a Regular Weekday Destination

If you are not working or in a program of vocational rehabilitation, you can always go to the library or to your place of worship without spending any money. (As a special treat, you can go infrequently to a cafe. Mr Trent Hamm of TheSimpleDollar.com blog, who lives in a small town in Iowa, finds it possible to go to the deli in his supermarket and simply nurse a bottle of water—costing 49 cents! for several hours. City dwellers are probably not able to reach such a bargain!)

A man who studies in a synagogue will always be available to complete the quorum of ten known as a minyan. He can feel good about his contribution and mitzvah.

Volunteering as a person with a psychiatric disability can be turned down if your disability is known. Volunteer or tzedakah/charity work that you can do off the premises of the agency—such as remote work on your computer—is a more likely prospect for most such people if they were hospitalized relatively recently.

 Are you under retirement age? Your US State’s department of vocational rehabilitation can provide you with counseling and financial assistance to set up your own business or go back to school. Your local Hebrew Free Loan Association or some gemachs (specialized free-loans, generally offering material goods such as wedding gowns) can provide the financial assistance, but you will lack the counseling, such as help with writing a business plan. There are Jewish Vocational Services in some localities that can provide the counseling and some training, but generally not the financial assistance. Any of these activities would provide a regular weekday destination for you.

Supported employment often leaves the participant worse off than when he or she began the program, in terms of self-image and the degree of disability. I do not recommend these programs—and anyhow the wages are by US Internal Revenue Service regulation permitted to be well below minimum wage in many settings.

"Tack" with Your Strongest Suit

As with saying “Hello! How are you?” with a smile of welcome, your conversations should be full of references to the interests of the person with whom you’re speaking. But sometimes that person will ask about you.

I’ve cautioned you before not to talk about your psychiatric disability. But what can you talk about? Sailors maintain good direction on the waves by leaning away from what seems to be the wind’s inclination. So, lean away from what would bring conversation to a half.

Whatever is your strongest suit should be your choice for conversation. Maybe it’s learning, either secular or religious. Bring up an anecdote that you recently read and ask the person whom you’re talking with how she or he feels about it. Possibly this will get a conversational ball rolling. More likely, you will simply learn from his or her reaction the arena from which to choose another anecdote….

Maybe you have a hobby that is your strongest suit. A cook can always give a recipe, for example, and sports fans can engage in long repartee.

Use your new acquaintance’s response as a springboard for drawing her or him out. Turn the spotlight back on him or her! That is the surest way to give her or him the surety that you are a caring person, who is worth getting to know better.

How to "Crash" A Party--Enjoying Yourself at a Gathering

The first step needs to take place long before you go to the place where you have been invited. Undertake to establish an introduction for yourself that emphasizes your hobbies, your education, and any occupational licenses that you have. Practice the introduction in front of a mirror or with the feedback of a member of your family. Make the introduction so familiar to you that you can say it in a number of different ways, so that it will sound natural and unrehearsed.

Now, you are there at the party, function, or get-together. The cardinal rule is: Divide and conquer. You cannot make friends with a group. One at a time will be your motto. 

With each person you talk with, ask questions to draw him or her out. Everyone is most interested in his or her own life, and will feel engaged to have you care—or at least, seem to care. Indeed, by seeming to care, you will likely find that indeed you become interested in the person with whom you are speaking.

Ask such questions as—

How do you know our host?

How did you spend your weekend? Or, what are your plans for the weekend to come?

Avoid talking or asking questions about politics. Unless everyone at the gathering is of the same religion and the same level of observance of it, avoid talking or asking questions about religion as well.

When your conversation partner asks about you, stick to your prepared introduction and be circumspect beyond that. Do not start to speak about your psychiatric disability. (If this gathering is after all focused on disability issues, of course your symptoms and history are open to be spoken about—but it is still best to focus on the other person, not yourself.)

Fancy, you Aced that party, function, or get-together! You did not need to “crash” it at all!

Dating After a Diagnosis of a Major Psychiatric Disorder

Personally, I remained “on the dating scene” for nine years after my initial episode that was later diagnosed as Bipolar Disorder. I stopped dating altogether because I saw that my character defects were making me repeat the same stupid choices. Therefore, I never did marry, to my regret—but never initiated a marriage that would have necessitated a divorce and harm to the children, either!

My advice is that you seek an intermediary to introduce you to a compatible person who has a psychiatric disability, though not necessarily the same one that you do. (Opposites attract.) The traditional Jewish Schadhan (professional matchmaker) would be an ideal agent if you are of that group. An intermediary will handle the issue of disclosing your disability with much greater sensitivity than you would do yourself. And she or he will be able to “accentuate the positive!”

[I am in the midst of moving from one apartment to another, and posts cannot be promised on Tuesdays until I am relatively settled. This one is two days late!]