No News is Good News

Just about two months ago (at the end of October, 2018,) my subscription to a newspaper ran out, and I have not made any attempt to replace it. Yes, I do read two Jewish periodicals—one daily and one weekly, but they do not cover:

• ·         Most crimes
• ·         Most of President Trump’s tweets
• ·         Most updates to the issue of Russian interference in the 2016 US national election
• ·         Most discussions of sexual anything—harassment, assault, rape, incest, Hollywood and Bollywood excesses, etc.
• ·         Most speculation as to whether there will be war in this or that corner of the world.

(I do also keep up with scientific and medical news, particularly psychiatric research.)

And since I also have no television and do not listen to news on the radio, I have had about two months just about completely free from anxiety as to world and national affairs. Of course, during that time there have been worries, such as occasioned by the pollution from the Camp Fire which reached San Francisco where I live for a bit over two weeks in November, 2018. But nothing like the repetitive and serious fears that journalists are wont to unleash.

The result is just about pure serenity. Conceivably, you might want to try something similar.

Note to Readers: Due to the majority observance of the Christmas holiday, there will be no post on December 25, 2018. I normally post on Tuesdays. There WILL be a post on New Year's Day.

Apologize "Insincerely!"

There are two sides to every issue. Apologize when a family member thinks that you are in the wrong. You may think that you are being “insincere.” Apologize anyway. Once you are past the heat of the moment, you may determine that you should have been sincere!

Your family members in the past may have “humored” you as a way of dealing with ideas of yours that they thought—perhaps reasonably—weren’t sane. Use this tactic yourself now as a tool to bring harmony to family relationships. Say that you are sorry for what they say that you did. You can be as hypocritical in your own mind as you like; you may even think that you are lying outright. Just do it. The outcome will be greater comfort in your home. A boon indeed.

In the Interests of Family Peace and Harmony, Show an Interest!

Now that you’ve said that you appreciate what your family had been doing for you during all those years of your challenging behaviors, what can you do to improve your relationship in the long term?

Make friends with each of your family members, each one in his or her own right and turn.

Show that you want to know details about their:

·         interests,

·         hobbies,

·         doings,

·         activities, and

·         problems.

What if they, or one of them, withdraws and will not give you any details about their lives? Just blithely go on expressing interest! “Once burned, twice shy,” they may feel. They don’t want to be vulnerable to your crushing their hearts again. Eventually, they may come around. Meanwhile, you can feel satisfied that you are doing all that you can.

A Thank-You Can Overcome Past Abuses

You have a secret source of strength. No matter what you do or have done, your family is always available to forgive you, understanding that your psychiatric disability got control of your character.

Something like G-d Himself, as His ambassadors on Earth.

Many, perhaps most, people with severe psychiatric disabilities—like you, perhaps, and certainly like me—have established a history whereby their families have put up with more from you than you have done from them.

What can you do in your “together” or saner moments to make up for perhaps decades of abusive behaviors? All you need to do is to show appreciation for your family’s love! Gratitude, that is.

Blossom!

Do not let your mental illness describe you. Be all that you can be. In my own language, become the person who G-d intended you to be. Just as any other person does, you have gifts. Just as any other person can, your character can shine.

Don’t compare yourself to others, especially in the area of character development. A quick temper goes along with several psychiatric diagnoses, for example. If you have managed to control yourself so that you are today less volatile than you were a year ago, that is all that you need care about. Just because a person without a mental illness may be today more even-tempered than you—it should make no difference to you. Applaud yourself for your own progress!

Many people with psychiatric disabilities tend to be harsh and judgmental towards themselves. Here is the antidote, the remedy! The character trait(s) that you excel at—such as generosity—can stand you in good stead even given your nosological (diagnosis-driven) weaknesses.

Autonomy the Goal

Autonomy should be the goal of every psychiatric encounter. Too often, the goal instead is some form of restraint or overcoming of a symptom of a diagnosis—quite the opposite. Every human being has the potential for greatness in some skill or art, and it should be the goal of his or her psychiatric clinicians to draw it out.

To me, autonomy means being self-directed. This parses out to:

·         Being a connoisseur of the glory of the world;

·         Being an evaluator of what is presented to you; and

·         Not being a pawn of the last stimulus.

Being a connoisseur of the glory of the world:

Appreciation of the greater world around you is central to being able to be alone. In a world of screens, being able to be alone is to be able to reach one’s spiritual center. You need a rich inner life, and this is developed only through having lived a varied life of many sorts of experiences.

Being an evaluator of what is presented to you:

All stimuli are not created equal. That which enhances self-direction is preferable to that created as a (mass-market) meme on the web.

Not being a pawn of the last stimulus:

Self-direction requires having parsed out and thus knowing your own values and seeking to promote them.

This involves looking to your own goals and objectives.

It also requires not being susceptible to outside influences, beyond the needs and wants of any peson or creature central to your values.

Autonomy segues into living a life that you direct. Not responsive to what outside influences say is to be valued, unless you have examined those values and found them worth integrated into your life. Instead, you need to live according to your own values and encourage others to support you in that endeavor—as you will reciprocate for them.

Never, Ever Give Up!

You can find many inspirational stories about never giving up hope. Just search for perseverance among entrepreneurs, inventors (such as Thomas Alva Edison for one,) and artists in any medium. Such a biographical précis of your choice can inspire you to hang in there. A better day will come. No matter what your present circumstances. Only death obviates hope.

I suggest that every therapist put emphasis on collecting songs, or if the patient is interested, poems, on not giving up. My favorite is Edgar A Guest’s “It Couldn’t Be Done.” It’s followed me from bulletin board to board these many decades, tacked up as flag of hope.

Whether or not you have a therapist, you can help yourself immensely by collecting stories of positive thinking. I found something similar to the following in a fortune cookie once:

If you are not satisfied because you didn’t get what you wanted, think of all the things that you did not want that you did not get!

Never giving up is key to recovery, because a return to yourself as you were before your illness became severe—better! actually, due to having matured—can take many years and sometimes a number of decades. Nobody else will constantly be present to nudge you to mental health, so you must manufacture by yourself reminders that will always be there. Motivation has to be within you.

And the only way that I’ve found to persevere through all the normal trials of life, let alone the extra slings and arrows of mental illness, is to have reminders in front of you always. Maybe on your smart phone, maybe written down and posted wherever you go—bathroom mirror, laptop computer, bicycle handlebars….