Find a Regular Weekday Destination

If you are not working or in a program of vocational rehabilitation, you can always go to the library or to your place of worship without spending any money. (As a special treat, you can go infrequently to a cafe. Mr Trent Hamm of TheSimpleDollar.com blog, who lives in a small town in Iowa, finds it possible to go to the deli in his supermarket and simply nurse a bottle of water—costing 49 cents! for several hours. City dwellers are probably not able to reach such a bargain!)

A man who studies in a synagogue will always be available to complete the quorum of ten known as a minyan. He can feel good about his contribution and mitzvah.

Volunteering as a person with a psychiatric disability can be turned down if your disability is known. Volunteer or tzedakah/charity work that you can do off the premises of the agency—such as remote work on your computer—is a more likely prospect for most such people if they were hospitalized relatively recently.

 Are you under retirement age? Your US State’s department of vocational rehabilitation can provide you with counseling and financial assistance to set up your own business or go back to school. Your local Hebrew Free Loan Association or some gemachs (specialized free-loans, generally offering material goods such as wedding gowns) can provide the financial assistance, but you will lack the counseling, such as help with writing a business plan. There are Jewish Vocational Services in some localities that can provide the counseling and some training, but generally not the financial assistance. Any of these activities would provide a regular weekday destination for you.

Supported employment often leaves the participant worse off than when he or she began the program, in terms of self-image and the degree of disability. I do not recommend these programs—and anyhow the wages are by US Internal Revenue Service regulation permitted to be well below minimum wage in many settings.

Choosing a Better Sort of Friend

The sort of friend whom you should not encourage is a person you met on the psychiatric hospital ward, or during the experiences that had led up to the police having been called out to bring you to that ward. Such a person would only underscore your sense of yourself as being tainted with stigma.

You need instead someone more cheerful than you, a man or woman who reaches out because he or she recognizes the good within you. A person whom you have met while you were engaged in an activity that involved giving to others or praising the Good L-rd is that kind of man or woman. As an example, a person whom you meet while you are in your house of worship is ideal. He or she may be interested in helping you out with requests you might make, as an act of charity, and you have a common denominator to provide a subject for both initial and fall-bak conversations.

Holidays and Holy Days Alone

Go outside if you can, either accepting an invitation to someone’s home or volunteering at a charity function. But even if you cannot, make the day special. Change your normal activities for a set of different ones. Dress for the occasion. Decorate--or spend part of your day in beautifying your home for future enjoyment. It is a good idea to schedule a visitor or two. 

Follow the holiday’s customs to set the day apart--to a certain extent. There is a special elan in selectively observing. Something like serial monogamy. The Good L-rd will forgive you and you will have a more pleasant day. Don’t go further in this breach than your conscience will allow, but enjoy the freedom you desire. For example, if you want to eat only food that is Kosher for Pesach on Passover, and know that potato chips suitably labeled are permissible--but cannot find any in the store, purchase regular ones and enjoy eating them on the holiday. I’ve done this!

Creating Attractive Space to Live In

If I had to give you just one helpful hint, it’s to choose a color family for everything that you are likely to find an abundance of hues in. Myself, I like blues and greens the most, as they are the colors most abundant in the garden settings that I love. You may prefer warmer colors of the sun’s rising and setting. Up to you, but do be consistent as you choose--to develop a home that has a unified look and feel. Indeed, choose wood tones as well that are either light or dark to the extent practical. 

A variety of patterns within a color family adds interest. It’s best for some patterns to echo others--a large area reflected by accent pieces,

One easy way to “pattern” a table is to use colored masking tape to affix to it one or more plastic placemats that bear designs. That wide, colored masking tape can also be used to “draw” stripes or checks, or even to develop solid colors, on surfaces that have seen better days (this doesn’t work in high-traffic areas or those exposed to heat.) Much cheaper than decorative vinyl like Con-Tact brand!

Have an overriding theme for pictures and other decorative objects. I really like animals, so I have quite a variety depicted, in pairs where I can. A good source for photos? Try calendar pages from a prior year--even buying extra calendars that you like from this year will be cheaper than buying “prints” sold as such.

If you live in rented premises, you probably cannot affix much of photos or anything else to the walls, especially not with tape or screws. Try either masking tape--or lightweight bulletin boards. The latter generally will stay put with just one small nail as security. Amazon.com’s warehouse offered a group of ten for under $70, each large enough to hold four calendar photos.

Of course, buying furniture in thrift stores is less expensive than anywhere else, but if you can’t find all types that you need there, again Amazon--or other online stores--are good sources if you yourself can assemble the units or if you have a friend who can help you out with this. (Amazon offers assembly for a fee that is above market value for a handyman’s assistance, in rural California.)

Arranging your books relatively by their subject matter not only makes it easier for you to find to hand a given volume, but is decorative.

As many plants as your thumb can tend will--if you select carefully--clear the air of pollutants. In the extreme seasons, they lend Spring. Certain herbs, like thyme, are easy to grow and will save you big dollars in the produce section of the market as well as improving your cuisine. An indoor garden can also provide you, if you live alone, with a sense of purpose--see “A Singleton Who Tends to a Companion is Not Bereft.”

The one attribute that you can bring to your home above all that will please a visitor is to provide reasonable neatness. The second-most important is to lift the eye diagonally across large walls--it can do wonders to provide interest. And unifying that color scheme is a close third.

For your own and your family’s sense of security in your home, I do not recommend deadbolts or strongboxes, but rather an area with Judaica emphasized and a general scattering of objects that reflect your spiritual roots.

(Due to the Passover holiday, this blog will resume on April 29, 2019.)

A Companion Animal--or Just Plants--Makes a Singleton Not Bereft

The best way of all to avoid loneliness if you live alone is to have a companion to tend to. Have I contradicted myself since you live alone? No! I am referring not to a human companion but to a doggie or kitty, either of which will become devoted to you if you treat the animal likewise. If your living quarters do not permit you to have a dog or a cat, perhaps you can bring in a bird in the parrot family, or at least a songster bird. If all else fails, you could have an aquarium. Or some rodent such as a guinea pig or hamster—note that rabbits are difficult to care for…. It is your tending to the animal that will give you solace. 

What if none of those animals will work out, due to expense? I suggest then that you have as many plants as you can manage to fit into your home, even if that be just a bedroom in a shared apartment. But choose them carefully! Start with those that even a person without a green thumb cannot kill—a spider plant is an example. Either an online search or a trip to the library will give you full details on easy plants to tend.

Avoiding Loneliness if You Live Alone

I assume that you have the gift of being able to leave your apartment. Even if you are basically homebound due to physical disability, travel as far as you can as often as you can. A trip to the mail box can be high adventure as change from your domicile. 

If you actually can walk, go for it! Go out at least once a day. Check out the changes in your neighborhood due to the season. Indeed, by walking at a moderate pace for fifteen minutes or longer, you will be improving your general health. (The necessary changes made for those who use adaptive devices such as wheelchairs, of course—and if you have such as ALS and are truly not leaving your bed, why, place it with view of a window and if medically possible, keep that window open so that you can feel the weather.)

Try to find alternatives to screens. Please see the sections, “The Importance of a Hobby,’ and “Find a Regular Weekday Destination.” If you can possibly avoid spending your time reinforcing your idea that you have a miserable psychiatric disability, do so. What do I mean? Try to find things to do and places to go that are not sponsored by mental-health providers or associations. Being with them for longer than you need to be for treatment could make it difficult for you to recover to your personality before you fell ill…. They underscore a label that has pejorative elements or stigma.

It is wise to avoid talking about your symptoms other than within the treatment environment. It will heighten the enjoyment others can take in being with you, to discuss anything but your pain. (This is true for any disease or disability.)

Money is a likely problem for many disabled people, particularly if they are unemployed. Check out free events in your locality. Often, the public library sponsors a variety of programs. Faith-based organizations such as synagogues provide many events besides services. (And you may find the services uplifting,) Your near-by parks have activities, too. Check the calendar that your city hall generates—you may be surprised at the variety of events that have no admission fee and are otherwise inexpensive or free,

My own favorite way of making new friends is to invite neighbors, one at a time, for tea and “a nosh/baked good.” Not all are excellent company, but the very activity makes for a good hobby. In addition, it develops community and I have an increasing pool of help if I run into need. Amazon sells Bigelow teabags, which incidentally are Kosher, in assortments of six boxes for under $16 each—herbal, green, or black teas in various flavors. I present a selection of all types in a dedicated flatware tray, so that my guest has quite a wide choice.

"Tack" with Your Strongest Suit

As with saying “Hello! How are you?” with a smile of welcome, your conversations should be full of references to the interests of the person with whom you’re speaking. But sometimes that person will ask about you.

I’ve cautioned you before not to talk about your psychiatric disability. But what can you talk about? Sailors maintain good direction on the waves by leaning away from what seems to be the wind’s inclination. So, lean away from what would bring conversation to a half.

Whatever is your strongest suit should be your choice for conversation. Maybe it’s learning, either secular or religious. Bring up an anecdote that you recently read and ask the person whom you’re talking with how she or he feels about it. Possibly this will get a conversational ball rolling. More likely, you will simply learn from his or her reaction the arena from which to choose another anecdote….

Maybe you have a hobby that is your strongest suit. A cook can always give a recipe, for example, and sports fans can engage in long repartee.

Use your new acquaintance’s response as a springboard for drawing her or him out. Turn the spotlight back on him or her! That is the surest way to give her or him the surety that you are a caring person, who is worth getting to know better.