The Importance of a Hobby

A rock-bottom aspect of the self in American culture is being able to give a reply concerning a vocation to the ubiquitous social query, “What do you do?” 

In a psychiatric unit, one does nothing of one’s normal adult work. One’s only contribution there to the people (s)he loves is by giving the products made in art therapy…. (Of course, there can be the sizable contribution of learning from one’s past mistakes and thereby being kinder to one’s family and friends upon discharge....)

Furthermore, a day or even several hours spent doing nothing but being a passive onlooker at television or social media does not yield any sense of accomplishment.

Developing one or more skills, whether they involve creating (food, writing, artwork, handiwork, etc.) or learning (whether religious knowledge perhaps, or readiness for remunerative employment), results in higher valuation of you by others. And greater self-esteem.

Disclosing a Psychiatric Disability in the Context of Interviewing or a Job

While the Americans with Disabilities Act, and perhaps similar legislation in other nations, confers rights to be accommodated to people with invisible disabilities as well as those with visible, I do not suggest that you avail yourself of such rights. There is simply too much prejudice against people who are thought of as “mentally ill.”

The exception is in the governmental context, where in the United States it is the Rehabilitation Act of 1973 that gives the authorization. Governmental jobs, being more subject to bureaucracy, also yield less bias in the workforce. Finally, sometimes governmental agencies actually provide affirmative action preferences in hiring to those who self-disclose as having a disability. Such agencies have systems in place to follow through with reasonable accommodations, not according to the letter of the law but in the spirit of righteousness.

"Character Will Tell"

In the long run, you will not have any educational degrees, awards, or other honors that you have earned. In the long run, you will not have access to your financial assets. Nor professional reputation nor fame. 

In the long run, you will not be remembered for what you have and had, but for what you are and were—your “being” will remain, not your “having.”

What you will leave behind you is only the memory of your character. Not attainments, but only character, will tell. Good deeds, not facile speech.

If you have family, they will remember you—but only by your character. And many people, including myself, believe that G-d will remember you by how hard you tried to have good character. G-d will look at your degree of effort, your struggles, not by counting the failures you had in climbing towards your aim for good character.

What If You “Can’t Stand” a Member of Your Family?

I’ve been there myself. No matter what the cause with a blood relative, make up your antipathy and reconcile, before the next month’s calendar page turns. Death can intercede at any time; your ability to change the situation will thereby cease. 

You can never replace your family member. Moreover, he or she may love you very much indeed, and no one else can give you that individual’s particular perception of you.

We are defined by the attributes that others reflect to us. As William Butler Yeats wrote in “For Anne Gregory,”

“…only God, my dear/Could love you for yourself alone/And not your yellow hair.”

No News is Good News

Just about two months ago (at the end of October, 2018,) my subscription to a newspaper ran out, and I have not made any attempt to replace it. Yes, I do read two Jewish periodicals—one daily and one weekly, but they do not cover:

• ·         Most crimes
• ·         Most of President Trump’s tweets
• ·         Most updates to the issue of Russian interference in the 2016 US national election
• ·         Most discussions of sexual anything—harassment, assault, rape, incest, Hollywood and Bollywood excesses, etc.
• ·         Most speculation as to whether there will be war in this or that corner of the world.

(I do also keep up with scientific and medical news, particularly psychiatric research.)

And since I also have no television and do not listen to news on the radio, I have had about two months just about completely free from anxiety as to world and national affairs. Of course, during that time there have been worries, such as occasioned by the pollution from the Camp Fire which reached San Francisco where I live for a bit over two weeks in November, 2018. But nothing like the repetitive and serious fears that journalists are wont to unleash.

The result is just about pure serenity. Conceivably, you might want to try something similar.

Note to Readers: Due to the majority observance of the Christmas holiday, there will be no post on December 25, 2018. I normally post on Tuesdays. There WILL be a post on New Year's Day.

Apologize "Insincerely!"

There are two sides to every issue. Apologize when a family member thinks that you are in the wrong. You may think that you are being “insincere.” Apologize anyway. Once you are past the heat of the moment, you may determine that you should have been sincere!

Your family members in the past may have “humored” you as a way of dealing with ideas of yours that they thought—perhaps reasonably—weren’t sane. Use this tactic yourself now as a tool to bring harmony to family relationships. Say that you are sorry for what they say that you did. You can be as hypocritical in your own mind as you like; you may even think that you are lying outright. Just do it. The outcome will be greater comfort in your home. A boon indeed.

In the Interests of Family Peace and Harmony, Show an Interest!

Now that you’ve said that you appreciate what your family had been doing for you during all those years of your challenging behaviors, what can you do to improve your relationship in the long term?

Make friends with each of your family members, each one in his or her own right and turn.

Show that you want to know details about their:

·         interests,

·         hobbies,

·         doings,

·         activities, and

·         problems.

What if they, or one of them, withdraws and will not give you any details about their lives? Just blithely go on expressing interest! “Once burned, twice shy,” they may feel. They don’t want to be vulnerable to your crushing their hearts again. Eventually, they may come around. Meanwhile, you can feel satisfied that you are doing all that you can.